Apparently hot singles want to meet me. Also, I’ve just won a new Ford Mustang GT, and if I hit the cockroach, then I win a lifetime supply of pop ups. I’m so fucking sick of seeing the internet littered with trash. They’re nothing but virus links, ad ware scams, and bullshit propaganda.

What pisses me off is that they’re so damn effective as well.  There’s always going to be some dumb son of a bitch who sees these adds and thinks to themselves, “Alright, finally a solution to my inadequacies at saving and actually working for the things I want. I’ll just click on a poorly held together flash ad and get the shit for free.”

Here’s a little tip for you, “NOTHING’S THAT FUCKING EASY!” Why the fuck would any company give you a free car?
I swear it seems like people are getting dumber and dumber. If you believe that, let me give you some important life information that may drastically alter your world. There is no Santa Clause, there is no Easter Bunny, there is no Tooth Fairy. Life is NOT always fair. There is anger and hatred in this world beyond your comprehension. There are people that will rip apart your life and dreams apart piece by piece just to wave the shreds in your face to their own sick amusement. There are people in this world that hate you and everything you do makes them physically ill and all they can think about every moment of the day and night is how best to disrupt your happiness and cause you pain beyond your wildest dreams. If you try your best and play by all the rules and always act polite and respectful, work hard and pay your dues, you’ll still get fucked over. The nicer you are the more you will be shit on. Only the assholes prosper. Which brings me to my next point:

The worse you treat others, the better your life will become.  Here’s a list of the top ten things you can do to increase your wealth, luck, and sexual episode quantity and quality.

10.)Steal: All the most prosperous people in life steal shit all the time.
9.)  Lie: Lie about everything. Don’t even give people your real name. Make sure nothing you say or write is the truth. This whole article is a lie, even the lies that contradict each other.
8:) Laugh: This may seem like a happy thing, but not when you do it at other’s faults. See a fat girl? Laugh at her. Make sure you point in case she’s not sure she’s the joke.
7.) Rap: All assholes rap. Rap is the most obnoxious foul sound human beings are capable of creating, and everyone knows it. Want to piss people off, start rapping. Cant come up with decent background music? Doesn’t matter, even the pro’s don’t. just come up with 4-6 seconds of any sound and loop it over and over again.
6.) Kick puppies: Nothing fancy. See a dog, kick it in the face.
5.) Hang up pay phones: If you see someone talking on a payphone, hang up on them. That’ll piss off anyone.
4.)Punch people: If you see someone you don’t like, punch them in the face.
3.)magnetize electronics: Hold magnets up to TV screens and monitors to fuck up the color. Do this in department stores, work, school, hell, even in your own home.
2.)Write a guide: Write a guide about how to be an asshole. Write specifics and include at least 10 points.
1.)Click on pop ups:  You son of a bitch.